Introduction
On August 8, we solemnly remember an event that affected nearly 100 innocent people and irrevocably changed the course of history: the Dave Matthews Band Chicago River Incident. On this day, over 800 lbs. (about the weight of a giraffe) of human excrement rained down on the passengers of a sightseeing boat as it passed below the Kinzie St. Bridge. Passengers found themselves covered in the feces of nondescript middle aged white guys who make music for divorced fathers and barbecue enthusiasts.
