Mother Still Friendly With Daughter's Stalker Ex-Fiancé

A woman is dumbfounded by her mother's continued friendship with her former abusive partner.

Apr. 18, 2026 at 7:51am

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An extremely blurred and abstracted indoor scene with soft, warm lighting, depicting a solitary figure sitting alone on a couch, conveying a sense of melancholy and isolation.A woman struggles to reconcile her mother's continued friendship with her abusive ex-fiancé, leaving her feeling betrayed and unsafe in her own family home.Greeley Today

A woman broke off her engagement after her ex-fiancé began stalking her, including driving around her workplace parking lot and waiting in alleys near her home. However, she later discovered that her mother was still inviting the ex-fiancé over for Sunday dinners, despite being fully aware of his stalking behavior. The woman is struggling with her mother's actions and feels betrayed, unsure if she can continue the relationship.

Why it matters

This story highlights the complex dynamics that can arise when family members maintain relationships with abusive partners, even after the victim has cut ties. It raises questions about the importance of prioritizing the safety and wellbeing of survivors, and the challenges they can face when their own family members do not fully support them.

The details

The woman says her ex-fiancé began stalking her at work, driving around the parking lot and doing "wheelies." She was not allowed to even look at another man while in a car with him. After breaking off the engagement, she would find him parked in an alley behind her house, waiting for her. He would then drive home and start calling her phone. The woman eventually threatened to contact local newspapers and report him as a stalker, which caused him to stop the behavior. However, the woman later discovered that her mother was still inviting the ex-fiancé over for Sunday dinners, despite being fully aware of his actions.

  • The stalking incidents occurred soon after the woman got engaged.
  • The woman broke off the engagement due to the stalking behavior.
  • The woman threatened to report the ex-fiancé as a stalker, which caused him to stop the behavior.

The players

Motherless

The woman who wrote the letter to Eric, describing her experience with her stalker ex-fiancé and her mother's continued friendship with him.

Eric

The advice columnist who responded to the woman's letter.

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What they’re saying

“Your mother's response is shocking to me as well. Your confusion and hurt are well-founded. Even if she didn't understand the impact that your ex-fiancé's terrible actions had on you, basic sympathy and familial allegiance would suggest that she find someone else with whom to dine.”

— Eric, Advice Columnist

“as you know, his stalking put me in danger and made me feel very unsafe. Even though he's stopped, those feelings haven't gone away, particularly since he has power in this area. So, I need a place where I can feel safe. I would like that to be your home, but your actions suggest to me that you're choosing his company over my safety. Is that the choice that you're trying to make?”

— Motherless, Letter Writer

What’s next

The woman is encouraged to have another conversation with her mother to express how hurt and betrayed she feels, and to make it clear that she needs her mother to choose her safety and wellbeing over continuing a friendship with the abusive ex-fiancé. If her mother cannot prioritize the woman's safety, the woman may need to put distance in the relationship.

The takeaway

This situation highlights the challenges survivors of abuse can face when their own family members do not fully support them or understand the lasting impact of the trauma they experienced. It underscores the importance of setting clear boundaries and prioritizing personal safety, even when it means distancing oneself from family members who are unable or unwilling to do so.