3 Rare Mindsets That Help People Avoid Obsessing Over What Others Think

Psychologist Suzanne Manser explains the key habits that allow some to stay grounded in themselves.

Apr. 17, 2026 at 3:30am by

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A bold, colorful silkscreen grid of a single, iconic lifestyle object like a coffee cup or makeup compact, rendered in a high-contrast, neon-infused pop art style that transforms the everyday into modern art.Vibrant pop art captures the mindset of those who avoid obsessing over others' perceptions.Portland Today

According to psychologist Suzanne Manser, people who don't constantly worry about what others think tend to share a few rare mindsets that help them avoid obsessing over external perceptions. These include not trying to mind-read others, spending time alone to get to know themselves better, and focusing on their own goals and values rather than worrying about their image.

Why it matters

Constantly worrying about what others think can lead people to lose touch with their authentic selves and make decisions based on a desire for external approval rather than their own needs and values. Developing the mindsets described can help people regain a sense of inner security and power.

The details

Manser explains that the impulse to constantly wonder what others are thinking about us stems from a desire to feel in control. By trying to anticipate and cater to others' perceptions, we hope to ensure their acceptance. However, this strategy ultimately leaves our self-worth in the hands of others. Manser suggests three key habits to break this pattern: 1) Noticing when we're trying to mind-read others and bringing our attention back to our own thoughts and feelings. 2) Regularly spending time alone to get to know ourselves better. 3) Preparing for interactions by reminding ourselves that our power comes from staying grounded in our own perspective, not worrying about others' opinions.

  • The research Manser cites was published in recent years.

The players

Suzanne Manser

A licensed psychologist with a private practice in Portland, Oregon who specializes in helping people live with self-acceptance, meaning, and ease.

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What they’re saying

“Research has suggested that's where the actual helpful information is. Remind yourself that what they think is not relevant to who you are.”

— Suzanne Manser, Psychologist

“Studies have shown how spending time with yourself and observing your own thoughts, feelings, and patterns helps you get familiar with yourself. When you know yourself well, you don't feel compelled to look to anyone else to tell you who you are.”

— Suzanne Manser, Psychologist

The takeaway

Developing the mindsets of not trying to mind-read others, spending time alone for self-reflection, and focusing on your own goals rather than your image can help free people from the burden of constantly worrying about what others think. This shift in perspective allows individuals to build a stronger sense of self-worth and authenticity.