Bereaved Parent Shares Powerful Insight on Grief

A mother reflects on the importance of using specific, loving words to honor her daughter's memory.

Apr. 15, 2026 at 12:04pm

Got story updates? Submit your updates here. ›

A softly blurred, atmospheric photograph in warm, muted tones depicting a serene, out-of-focus scene of everyday lifestyle objects, such as flowers, candles, or personal mementos, conveying a sense of quiet contemplation and remembrance.A mother's grief is honored through the tender, intimate details of her daughter's life that live on in the memories of loved ones.Boston Today

After the author's daughter Alex died of cancer at age 40, she grappled with the lack of language to describe her grief as a bereaved parent. She discovered the Sanskrit word 'vilomah,' meaning 'against the natural order,' which resonated with her experience. The author emphasizes the need for friends and family to use specific, loving words to keep her daughter's memory alive, rather than retreating behind vague platitudes like 'there are no words.'

Why it matters

This story provides a poignant and personal perspective on the challenges bereaved parents face in finding the right words to describe their grief. It highlights the importance of community support and the power of shared memories in helping grieving families honor their loved ones.

The details

The author recounts how some people distanced themselves after her daughter's death, while others used vague phrases like 'there are no words' or 'your loss is unimaginable.' She explains how these expressions, while well-intentioned, can actually isolate bereaved parents further. Instead, the author emphasizes the need for friends and family to share specific stories and memories about the deceased, using their name and celebrating the unique aspects of their personality and life.

  • The author's daughter Alex died of cancer on July 15.
  • Alex's birthday was on April 2.

The players

Nancy Sommers

The author, who lost her daughter Alex to cancer at the age of 40.

Alex

The author's daughter who passed away from cancer at the age of 40.

Got photos? Submit your photos here. ›

What they’re saying

“Why is it so easy to find words for joyous occasions — births, graduations, weddings — yet we lose language when seeking words to console and comfort the bereaved?”

— Nancy Sommers, Bereaved Parent

“Bereaved parents need their friends and families to be safekeepers, using specific words to describe our beautiful children, reminding us that our children live on in their memories.”

— Nancy Sommers, Bereaved Parent

What’s next

The author encourages readers to reach out to bereaved parents with loving words and gestures, sharing stories and memories about their lost loved ones. She emphasizes the importance of continuing to honor the deceased's memory, even long after the initial grieving period.

The takeaway

This story highlights the profound impact that thoughtful, specific language can have on bereaved parents, helping them feel less isolated and more connected to their loved one's memory. It serves as a powerful reminder that there are always words to comfort the grieving, if we are willing to be brave and vulnerable.