Woman Drawn to Stalker Who Claimed to Love Her

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A 57-year-old woman wrote to Dear Abby about being drawn to a man who she says has been stalking her, even though he was rude and she has proof of the stalking. She says he's the only man who has ever told her he loves her, and she's afraid no one else will love her the same way. The advice columnist urges her to change her routine to avoid running into the stalker, and to seek free or low-cost counseling to help move past the unhealthy attachment.

Why it matters

This story highlights the complex psychological dynamics that can occur when a victim develops feelings for their stalker, even though the stalking behavior is clearly unhealthy and dangerous. It's a common phenomenon that counselors and victim advocates work to address, as victims may have a difficult time breaking free from an unhealthy attachment, especially if they feel the stalker is the only person who has truly loved them.

The details

The woman, who is 57 and has never been married, says she recently ended a 3-year relationship with a man named Bill, whom she met at a resort casino. She tried to break it off multiple times, but he would always come back and she would take him back, mostly out of guilt. She finally ended things for good 4 months ago after he did something rude. A neighbor later told her that Bill was stalking her, which he denies despite the woman having proof.

• The woman ended her 3-year relationship with Bill 4 months ago.
• A neighbor told the woman that Bill was stalking her after she ended the relationship.

What they’re saying

What’s next

The advice columnist urges the woman to change her routine to avoid running into the stalker, and to seek free or low-cost counseling to help move past the unhealthy attachment.