Experts Warn Against Misusing 'Trauma Bonding' Term

The psychological concept refers to a victim's strong emotional attachment to their abuser, not just shared difficult experiences.

Mar. 19, 2026 at 3:00pm

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The term 'trauma bonding' has been used online to describe connections built through shared suffering, but experts say that's an incorrect use of the term. Trauma bonding actually refers to the strong emotional attachment a victim can form with their abuser, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship. Experts caution against using the phrase loosely, as it can diminish the real experiences of survivors.

Why it matters

Properly understanding trauma bonding is important for supporting victims of abuse. The psychological dynamic that keeps victims attached to their abusers is complex, and misusing the term can prevent people from getting the help they need to break free.

The details

Trauma bonding occurs when a victim forms a strong emotional attachment to their abuser, often due to cycles of abuse followed by kindness. This 'intermittent reinforcement' can trigger the release of dopamine and oxytocin, neurotransmitters associated with pleasure and social bonding, which can have a 'paralyzing' effect that prevents victims from leaving. Signs of a trauma bond include remaining in an abusive relationship, rationalizing the abuse, social isolation, and fear of abandonment.

  • The term 'trauma bond' was first referenced in a 1981 paper about 'traumatic bonding' in abuse victims.
  • The 1997 book 'The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships' by Patrick J. Carnes further explored the concept of trauma bonding.

The players

Lilli Correll

A 55-year-old woman living in Austin, Texas who experienced abuse from her mother as a child and later in an emotionally abusive marriage.

Megan Cutter

The chief of victim services at the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN).

Pierluigi Mancini

The interim president and chief executive of the advocacy group Mental Health America, who worked with trauma victims in Atlanta for 20 years.

Janina Fisher

A clinical psychologist with expertise in trauma.

Patrick J. Carnes

A counselor with expertise in sexual compulsion and trauma, and the author of the 1997 book 'The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships'.

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What they’re saying

“I was her favorite child.”

— Lilli Correll

“Cycles of abuse followed by kindness' solidify trauma bonds.”

— Pierluigi Mancini, Interim President and Chief Executive, Mental Health America

“Maybe they're not quite ready to leave or they're not sure — we honor where they are.”

— Megan Cutter, Chief of Victim Services, Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

The takeaway

Properly understanding trauma bonding is crucial for supporting victims of abuse. The complex psychological dynamic that keeps victims attached to their abusers must be recognized and addressed, rather than dismissing it as simply 'sharing difficult experiences.' Experts caution against using the term loosely, as it can further isolate and discourage those seeking to break free from abusive relationships.