Alleged 'J.I.Z.Z.' Compound Creator Exposed at E-Tower

Anonymous student claims to have developed a 'calm-down' substance found in campus bathrooms

Published on Feb. 8, 2026

Got story updates? Submit your updates here. ›

An anonymous E-Tower resident, referred to as 'Bator', has allegedly been creating and testing a new compound called 'J.I.Z.Z.' (Jiggling Iggling Ziggling Zest) in the TechSpank workshop located in ANSYS Hall. The substance, which Bator claims helps relieve stress, has been found in the E-Tower bathrooms, much to the dismay of the Resident Assistant and other students.

Why it matters

This story highlights the lengths some students may go to in order to relieve stress, as well as the potential health and safety concerns around the creation and use of unregulated compounds on a college campus. It also raises questions about university oversight and funding for student projects.

The details

Bator informed the Tartan Detectives that the white, sticky substance found in the E-Tower bathrooms was not ejaculate, but rather a newly created 'calm-down compound' called J.I.Z.Z. that they have been developing in the TechSpank workshop. Bator stated that they prefer to test the product alone, and that they hope to release it to the world, as many people are already 'coming all over to use it'.

  • On January 31, the E-Tower fifth-floor Resident Assistant sent a message to their floor group chat about reports of ejaculate found in the bathroom stalls.
  • Bator informed the Tartan Detectives of their work on the J.I.Z.Z. compound.

The players

Bator

An anonymous E-Tower resident who claims to have developed a new compound called 'J.I.Z.Z.' (Jiggling Iggling Ziggling Zest) in the TechSpank workshop located in ANSYS Hall.

E-Tower fifth-floor Resident Assistant

Sent a message to their floor group chat about reports of ejaculate found in the bathroom stalls.

Got photos? Submit your photos here. ›

What they’re saying

“If you must be jerkinthe gherkin, I prefer it be in your room when your roommate isn't around (or is around if yinz are into that). But if you do DO it in the bathroom, pleasebe squeaky clean. I've heard too many reports of ejaculate found on the walls and ceiling of the stalls. That's disgusting, bros. Don't make the custodial staff clean it up.”

— E-Tower fifth-floor Resident Assistant (E-Tower floor group chat)

“J.I.Z.Z. is a calm-down compound that helps me relieve my pent-up stress.”

— Bator (The Tartan)

“And anyway, I prefer to test my product alone, if you know what I mean.”

— Bator (The Tartan)

“That's one small wank for a man, one giant finish for mankind.”

— Bator (The Tartan)

What’s next

Bator plans to release the J.I.Z.Z. compound to the world, as they claim many people are already 'coming all over to use it'.

The takeaway

This story highlights the potential risks and ethical concerns around the creation and use of unregulated compounds on a college campus, as well as the need for greater oversight and funding for student projects to ensure the safety and well-being of the entire community.