Couple Debates Maintaining Relationship with Late Brother-in-Law's Estranged Wife

Wife's abusive behavior has left couple reluctant to continue contact, but husband feels guilty about ignoring his brother's widow.

Published on Feb. 9, 2026

Got story updates? Submit your updates here. ›

A couple is grappling with whether to maintain a relationship with the wife of the husband's late brother, whom they describe as an abusive and unpleasant person. The wife has no desire to see the sister-in-law again after years of verbal abuse, but the husband feels torn and guilty about potentially ignoring his brother's widow.

Why it matters

This situation highlights the complex emotional dynamics that can arise when dealing with difficult family members, especially after the loss of a loved one. It raises questions about the obligations we have to maintain relationships with estranged in-laws and how to balance our own wellbeing with supporting a grieving spouse.

The details

The couple had invited the husband's brother, his wife, and their son to their home over the years, even though the brother's wife was "one of the nastiest people" the wife had ever met. The wife describes the sister-in-law as verbally abusive, screaming and berating her husband in public, and even screaming at the couple in their own home. Since the brother's passing three years ago, the wife has no desire to see the sister-in-law again. However, the sister-in-law is planning to travel to a city 200 miles from the couple, and wants them to meet her there. The wife does not want to make the trip or spend the time and money, but the husband feels torn and guilty about ignoring his brother's widow.

  • The brother passed away three years ago.
  • The sister-in-law will be traveling to a city 200 miles from the couple next summer.

The players

The Couple

A married couple who have been dealing with the difficult relationship with the husband's late brother's wife.

The Husband's Brother

The husband's late brother, who was described as a "nice guy, albeit boring and a conversation hog".

The Sister-in-Law

The wife of the husband's late brother, who is described as one of the "nastiest people" the wife has ever met and has been verbally abusive towards her husband and the couple.

Got photos? Submit your photos here. ›

What they’re saying

“She has even screamed at me in our home while visiting. Since he died, I have no desire to see her again.”

— The Wife (oregonlive.com)

“We still talk to her, usually because we have called her. As an aside, we spent over $3,000 to fly our entire family out to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary several years ago. She totally ignored ours.”

— The Wife (oregonlive.com)

What’s next

The couple will need to have an open and honest discussion about their expectations and obligations regarding the relationship with the sister-in-law, and determine a course of action that balances their own wellbeing with supporting the husband's grieving process.

The takeaway

This situation highlights the challenges that can arise when dealing with difficult family members, especially after the loss of a loved one. It's important for couples to communicate openly, set boundaries, and find a balance between their own needs and supporting a grieving spouse, in order to navigate these complex emotional dynamics.