Myths About Attraction to Forget Before Valentine's Day

Science shows attraction is less about magic and more about psychology, physiology, and the small moments that shape a real connection.

Feb. 2, 2026 at 7:31am

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Although the festive season may have us imagining romantic meet-cutes, research shows attraction is less about magic and more about psychology, physiology, and the small moments that shape a real connection. This article debunks three common myths about attraction, including that opposites attract, looks are all that matter, and body language is the key indicator.

Why it matters

As Valentine's Day approaches, it's important to separate fact from fiction when it comes to attraction and relationships. Understanding the real science behind what draws people together can help people manage their expectations and focus on building genuine, meaningful connections.

The details

The article cites research showing that we're actually more attracted to people similar to us in age, occupation, religion, values, and even musical taste. However, being attracted to someone who expands our horizons and helps us grow can also be appealing. Additionally, personality traits like warmth, kindness, and humor can make someone seem more physically attractive, even if they don't fit conventional beauty standards. Finally, studies have found that physiological synchrony, like matching heart rates and skin conductivity, are better predictors of mutual attraction than body language cues.

  • The article was published on February 2, 2026.

The players

Dr. Matthew Montoya

A professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who defines attraction as an attitude that includes affective and behavioral responses toward a target person.

Professor Viren Swami

A professor at Anglia Ruskin University who has conducted research showing that people are more attracted to those similar to themselves.

Professor Arthur Aaron

An internationally recognized scientist studying intimate relationships who believes individuals are attracted to partners who help them self-expand and try new experiences.

Professor Mariska Kret

A researcher at Leiden University who found that physiological synchrony is a better predictor of attraction than body language.

Dr. Eliska Prochazkova

A researcher at Leiden University who collaborated with Professor Kret on the study about physiological synchrony and attraction.

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What they’re saying

“Attraction as an attitude that includes the affective and behavioral responses toward the target person.”

— Dr. Matthew Montoya, Professor, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

“We do not really like opposites; quite the contrary. We have strong preferences for people similar in age, occupation, religion, values, or even musical taste when choosing our future partner(s).”

— Professor Viren Swami, Professor, Anglia Ruskin University

“Individuals want to 'self-expand' through interpersonal relationships. When forming a new relationship, we integrate mindsets, opinions, and activities of our new partner(s) that we would never have considered before.”

— Professor Arthur Aaron, Relationship Researcher

The takeaway

Rather than relying on myths and misconceptions about attraction, people should focus on building genuine connections by finding partners who are similar to them, help them grow, and with whom they share physiological synchrony. Attraction is less about magic and more about the small, meaningful moments that bring two people together.