Miss Manners Suggests Gender-Neutral Honorific to Avoid Offense

Columnist seeks reader input on polite alternative to 'ma'am' and 'sir'

Jan. 27, 2026 at 10:39am

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In her advice column, Miss Manners discussed the issue of using gendered honorifics like 'ma'am' and 'sir' when addressing people, noting that this can cause distress for those whose gender identity does not match their appearance. She acknowledged the need for a universal, gender-neutral alternative and asked readers to suggest ideas for a dignified and easy-to-use word that could replace these traditional terms.

Why it matters

This discussion highlights the evolving social norms around gender identity and the desire for more inclusive language. As society becomes more aware of the challenges faced by transgender and gender non-conforming individuals, finding polite ways to address people without making assumptions about their gender is an important consideration.

The details

In her column, Miss Manners responded to a reader who expressed discomfort with using 'ma'am' and 'sir' due to concerns about assuming someone's gender identity. The reader noted that these traditional honorifics can cause distress, especially for those early in a gender transition or who are gender non-conforming. Miss Manners agreed that a gender-neutral alternative would be useful and asked readers to suggest ideas, with the caveat that the word should be dignified, easy to say, and preferably already in use to avoid confusion.

  • The column was published on January 27, 2026.

The players

Miss Manners

The pen name of Judith Martin, a long-running advice columnist known for her expertise on etiquette and social norms.

Gentle Reader

The term Miss Manners uses to refer to her readers who write in with questions.

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What they’re saying

“I genuinely wish there were a universal, gender-neutral honorific to use in the English language. I want something that showed I respect people enough to be polite, but also enough not to assume I know (possibly private) information about them.”

— Gentle Reader (oregonlive.com)

“It would be useful, Miss Manners agrees, to have such a word, and thereby dispense with one of the limitless causes at which people take offense.”

— Miss Manners (oregonlive.com)

What’s next

Miss Manners is asking readers to suggest ideas for a gender-neutral honorific that could replace 'ma'am' and 'sir' in polite conversation.

The takeaway

This discussion highlights the ongoing need for more inclusive language and the willingness of respected etiquette authorities like Miss Manners to evolve with the times and seek solutions that accommodate diverse gender identities.