Relationship Advice Adage Criticized for Ignoring Nuance

Columnist argues 'if he wanted to, he would' oversimplifies relationship dynamics.

Published on Feb. 12, 2026

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In an opinion piece, Audrey Weishaar criticizes the popular relationship advice adage 'if he wanted to, he would,' arguing that it ignores important factors like feasibility, heteronormativity, and the need for open communication between partners. Weishaar contends the phrase places unfair blame on women and overlooks the complexities of real-world relationships.

Why it matters

The 'if he wanted to, he would' adage has become a common refrain on social media, often used to shame women for staying with partners who don't meet certain expectations. Weishaar's critique highlights how this simplistic advice can be harmful, as it fails to account for practical realities and the importance of mutual understanding between partners.

The details

Weishaar argues the adage ignores factors like financial constraints or other limitations that may prevent a partner from doing certain things, even if they want to. She also takes issue with the phrase's heteronormative framing, which places the onus on men to meet women's expectations. Additionally, Weishaar says the advice overlooks the need for open communication, as partners cannot know each other's wants and needs without explicitly discussing them.

  • The opinion piece was published on February 12, 2026.

The players

Audrey Weishaar

The author of the opinion piece and a columnist for The Rocky Mountain Collegian.

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What they’re saying

“If he wanted to, he would" is not the blanket statement it is being used as. It ignores, overlooks and excuses many things that are crucial to a relationship.”

— Audrey Weishaar, Columnist (The Rocky Mountain Collegian)

“At the end of the day, this phrase places power in the man, positioning his wants and efforts in a relationship as more important than those of his partner.”

— Audrey Weishaar, Columnist (The Rocky Mountain Collegian)

“Instead of asking him to make a romantic dinner or expressing your interest in flowers, 'if he wanted to, he would,' allows you to expect them with no prior indication of want, and then stew in your anger if your partner does not do it.”

— Audrey Weishaar, Columnist (The Rocky Mountain Collegian)

The takeaway

Weishaar's critique highlights the need for more nuanced and empathetic approaches to relationship advice, one that acknowledges the complexities of real-world partnerships and the importance of open communication between partners.