Isolated by 'Invisible' Disability, Reader Seeks Advice

Dear Abby column addresses challenges of explaining chronic pain and loss of friendships.

Apr. 6, 2026 at 7:35am

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A reader with polyneuropathy, arthritis, and chronic back pain writes to Dear Abby about feeling isolated from friends who don't understand their 'invisible' disability. The reader struggles to explain their limitations and no longer receiving phone calls or invitations. Abby advises the reader to have open conversations with close friends to help them understand the challenges.

Why it matters

This letter highlights the difficulties many people with chronic, 'invisible' illnesses or disabilities face in maintaining social connections and getting the support they need. It speaks to the importance of open communication, empathy, and accommodation from friends and loved ones.

The details

The reader, who lives in Rhode Island, has a neurological disorder called polyneuropathy and has undergone seven back surgeries. They also have arthritis in all their joints, leaving them in constant pain. However, their disability is not visually apparent, so friends and acquaintances sometimes doubt the severity of their condition. The reader drives but has trouble walking, and relies on a supportive husband. They no longer feel able to keep up with their old friends and have stopped explaining their limitations unless directly asked.

  • The reader wrote the letter to Dear Abby in April 2026.

The players

Abigail Van Buren

Also known as Jeanne Phillips, the author of the Dear Abby advice column, which was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

The Reader

A resident of Rhode Island who has polyneuropathy, arthritis, and chronic back pain, leading to an 'invisible' disability.

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What they’re saying

“I have a neurological disorder and can no longer keep up with my friends (who used to be my friends). I don't explain the problems I have and why I can't do the things I used to do unless they ask.”

— The Reader

“I have polyneuropathy and have had seven back surgeries. I have arthritis in all my joints. I live in constant pain, but it doesn't 'look' like I do.”

— The Reader

The takeaway

This story highlights the need for greater understanding and accommodation of 'invisible' disabilities in our communities. By opening up about their challenges, the reader can help their friends and loved ones empathize and adjust their expectations, potentially rebuilding important social connections.