Dear Abby Advice Column Reveals Deception in 'Friend' Relationship

Advice columnist Abigail Van Buren offers perspective on a reader's experience with a dishonest 'friend with benefits'.

Mar. 28, 2026 at 11:00am

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In her popular advice column, Dear Abby responds to a reader named 'Rejected in Colorado' who describes a relationship that started as casual friendship but became intimate, only to have the woman later admit she was never physically attracted to him and start dating someone else. Abby advises the reader that the woman's behavior indicates emotional immaturity, and that he has 'dodged a bullet' by ending the relationship. In a separate letter, another reader expresses feeling betrayed after attending what she thought was a real wedding for a friend, only to later learn it was just a commitment ceremony.

Why it matters

Dear Abby's advice column provides a window into the real-life relationship challenges and interpersonal dynamics that many readers face. This particular set of letters highlights issues around honesty, emotional maturity, and the social expectations around major life events like weddings. The column offers guidance on navigating these complex situations with wisdom and empathy.

The details

In the first letter, a reader describes becoming intimate with a woman he knew casually, only for her to later admit she was never physically attracted to him and start dating someone else. Despite referring to the reader, her puppy, and herself as a 'family' and wanting to meet each other's parents, she insisted they were 'just friends.' Abby advises the reader that the woman's behavior indicates emotional immaturity, and that he has 'dodged a bullet' by ending the relationship. In the second letter, another reader expresses feeling betrayed after attending what she thought was a real wedding for a friend, only to later learn it was just a commitment ceremony. The friend had wanted people to think it was a real wedding in order to receive gifts, rather than being upfront about the nature of the event.

  • Three months ago, the woman began referring to the reader, her puppy, and herself as 'a family'.
  • Three weeks ago, the woman met and started dating another guy.

The players

Abigail Van Buren

Also known as Jeanne Phillips, she is the author of the popular advice column Dear Abby, which was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

Rejected in Colorado

A reader who wrote to Dear Abby about his experience with a woman he was intimate with, who later admitted she was never physically attracted to him.

Wondering in California

A reader who wrote to Dear Abby about attending what she thought was a real wedding for a friend, only to later learn it was just a commitment ceremony.

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What they’re saying

“She said she was physically attracted to me sometimes but didn't feel that way all the time — and she thought she should be.”

— Rejected in Colorado, Reader

“I'm feeling a bit betrayed, and I wonder how her other guests would feel if they found out. I'm not sure I would have bought such an expensive gift if I had known beforehand.”

— Wondering in California, Reader

The takeaway

Dear Abby's advice highlights the importance of honesty and emotional maturity in relationships, as well as the social expectations and potential for hurt feelings around major life events like weddings. The column offers guidance on navigating these complex interpersonal dynamics with wisdom and empathy.