Dear Abby Advises Woman on Marrying Ex's Brother

Advice columnist cautions about relationship with man afraid to tell his mother

Mar. 16, 2026 at 7:04am

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In a Dear Abby column, a woman writes about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend's brother, Jerry. The two have fallen for each other, but Jerry is afraid to tell his mother about their relationship, fearing she will disapprove. The woman believes they could keep their relationship private, but Abby advises her to take a step back, as Jerry needs to have the courage to tell his mother about their plans to marry.

Why it matters

This advice column highlights the complexities that can arise in personal relationships, especially when family members are involved. It touches on themes of honesty, communication, and the challenges of navigating familial expectations and approval.

The details

The woman, referred to as 'Found the One', was previously in a relationship with 'John' for two years. After their breakup, John continued living with her for six months. During this time, the woman has now fallen for John's brother, 'Jerry'. They have discussed marriage, but Jerry is afraid his mother will disapprove of their relationship. The woman believes they could keep their relationship private, but Abby advises her to take a step back, as Jerry needs to have the courage to tell his mother about their plans.

  • The relationship between the woman and Jerry has been ongoing for an unspecified period of time.

The players

Found the One

The woman who wrote the letter to Dear Abby, seeking advice about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend's brother.

John

The woman's ex-boyfriend, who is the brother of Jerry.

Jerry

The brother of the woman's ex-boyfriend, with whom she has fallen in love, but he is afraid to tell his mother about their relationship.

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What they’re saying

“We have discussed that if it weren't for this issue, we would marry. My problem is Jerry is sure his mother will disapprove. He says he would end our relationship if they found out about us and she is against it.”

— Found the One (oregonlive.com)

“Personally, I think it's time for you to take a step back so you won't be writing me about this problem a year or two or five from now. You deserve better treatment than this.”

— Abigail Van Buren, Advice Columnist (oregonlive.com)

The takeaway

This advice column highlights the importance of open and honest communication in personal relationships, especially when navigating complex family dynamics. It suggests that individuals should be willing to stand up for their own needs and desires, even if it means facing potential disapproval from family members.