Dear Abby Offers Advice on Holiday Exclusion

A reader seeks closure after being criticized for inviting friends to a family holiday dinner.

Published on Mar. 2, 2026

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A person writes to Dear Abby about a painful incident from their past where they were criticized by their stepmother's father for inviting college friends to a holiday dinner. The writer wishes they had spoken up at the time to defend their actions, which were permitted by their father. Abby suggests the writer could have told their stepmother that sharing holidays with friends was never forbidden before, but now that she ruled the roost, they and their friends would be celebrating elsewhere.

Why it matters

This letter highlights the tensions that can arise around the holidays when families have different expectations and values around who should be included in celebrations. It touches on themes of family dynamics, traditions, and the importance of standing up for one's beliefs, even in the face of criticism.

The details

The letter writer explains that their father had given them permission to invite three close college friends to a holiday dinner. However, their stepmother's father verbally attacked them a week before the dinner, saying "Holidays are for family" and implying the writer was out of line. After the holiday, the stepmother told the writer they would never be able to have friends over for the holidays again.

  • The incident occurred about 25 years ago.
  • The letter was published on March 2, 2026.

The players

Abigail Van Buren

Also known as Jeanne Phillips, she is the author of the Dear Abby advice column, which was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

The letter writer

A person who was criticized by their stepmother's father for inviting college friends to a holiday dinner, an incident that has haunted them for 25 years.

The letter writer's father

Gave the letter writer permission to invite their friends to the holiday dinner.

The letter writer's stepmother

Told the letter writer they would never be able to have friends over for the holidays again after the incident.

The stepmother's father

Verbally attacked the letter writer a week before the holiday dinner for inviting their friends, saying "Holidays are for family".

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What they’re saying

“Holidays are for family.”

— The stepmother's father

“You could have told your stepmother that sharing holidays with friends was never forbidden before she came along, but now that she ruled the roost, you and your friends would be celebrating elsewhere.”

— Abigail Van Buren, Advice Columnist (al.com)

The takeaway

This letter highlights the importance of standing up for one's beliefs and values, even in the face of criticism from family members. It also underscores the need for open communication and understanding when it comes to holiday traditions and who should be included in celebrations.