Dear Abby Advises Friend on Helping Relative Escape Abusive Home

Advice columnist offers guidance on supporting a friend in a difficult family situation.

Published on Feb. 14, 2026

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In a Dear Abby column, a reader seeks advice on how to help their friend 'Louis' who has moved in with his alcoholic sister 'Gayle' and her abusive husband. Louis has nowhere else to go after severing ties with his prior community, and the reader has been providing financial support. Abby suggests Louis and his brother-in-law attend Al-Anon or Smart Recovery meetings for support, and that Louis look into local services and assistance options due to his disability. The column also addresses a separate issue where the reader's fiance is caught in the middle of a court battle between his mother and sister, and Abby advises the reader to stay out of the conflict.

Why it matters

This advice column highlights the challenges individuals can face when dealing with family members struggling with addiction and abusive behavior, as well as the difficulty of remaining neutral in family disputes. The guidance provided offers insights into supporting a friend in a difficult living situation and navigating complex family dynamics.

The details

The reader's friend 'Louis' is a 60-year-old man with a 50% disability who moved in with his alcoholic sister 'Gayle' and her husband at Gayle's invitation, only to find himself in an abusive living situation. Gayle would come home from work and become belligerent after having 6-8 drinks, even telling Louis he had 30 days to move out. The reader has been providing Louis with financial support as he tries to find a job. Meanwhile, the reader's fiance is caught in the middle of a court battle between his mother and sister, and both have cut off contact with the couple because they refused to take sides.

  • Gayle gave Louis 30 days to move out of her home.

The players

Louis

A 60-year-old man with a 50% disability who moved in with his alcoholic sister and her husband, only to find himself in an abusive living situation.

Gayle

Louis' alcoholic sister who became belligerent and abusive towards him after drinking 6-8 drinks when she returned home from work.

Gayle's husband

A 'great person' but not strong enough to do anything about Gayle's abusive behavior.

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What they’re saying

“Louis and his brother-in-law might find some support if they start attending Al-Anon or Smart Recovery meetings. Because they are dealing with a raging alcoholic, it may make them feel less isolated.”

— Abigail Van Buren, Advice Columnist (pennlive.com)

“Since he burned his bridges in the town from which he relocated and doesn't have the funds to move out of his sister's home, all you can do is continue to listen to him and be as supportive as you can until he finds work.”

— Abigail Van Buren, Advice Columnist (pennlive.com)

What’s next

Because Louis is partially disabled, he may qualify for some services and assistance in his new community. Encourage him to look into these potential options further.

The takeaway

This advice column highlights the challenges individuals can face when dealing with family members struggling with addiction and abusive behavior, as well as the difficulty of remaining neutral in family disputes. The guidance provided offers insights into supporting a friend in a difficult living situation and navigating complex family dynamics.