Parents Question Expectation of Seminary in Israel

Families grapple with the growing pressure to send 18-year-old girls to Israel for a year, despite financial and emotional costs

Published on Feb. 15, 2026

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A quiet conversation is unfolding in the Jewish community about the expectation for 18-year-old girls to attend seminary in Israel for a year. Many parents are questioning this norm, citing the significant financial burden, emotional toll on young women, and lack of a clear rationale beyond social momentum. The author argues that seminary in Israel should be a thoughtful choice, not an automatic next step, and that staying home can be an honorable path for personal growth.

Why it matters

This issue reflects broader tensions in the community around balancing tradition, communal expectations, and individual needs. The pressure to send girls to Israel has created financial strain, emotional distress, and a sense that one's worth is tied to acceptance into these programs, rather than personal growth. Challenging this norm could lead to a healthier, more honest understanding of what truly supports young women's development.

The details

Over time, seminary in Israel has shifted from an option to an expectation in many circles. This has led to rising costs, competitive admissions, and a focus on status rather than individual readiness. Parents who cannot afford the expense or whose daughters do not get accepted can feel embarrassed or left out. There are also concerns that the experience shapes young women's self-worth and identity in unhealthy ways.

  • Seminary in Israel was once a genuine choice, not an automatic next step.
  • Over time, the option became an expectation in many circles.

The players

S. Shapiro

The author of the letter, who is advocating for a reconsideration of the expectation for 18-year-old girls to attend seminary in Israel.

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What they’re saying

“Ask thoughtful parents for a calm, principled explanation, and many find themselves at a loss. They know it's what is expected and it's what 'everyone does.' But when pressed to articulate why, beyond habit and social momentum, an explanation is nowhere to be found.”

— S. Shapiro, Author (theyeshivaworld.com)

“If seminary in Israel is a thoughtful, intentional choice for a particular daughter, that can be beautiful. But if it is driven primarily by pressure or status, it deserves honest reconsideration.”

— S. Shapiro, Author (theyeshivaworld.com)

What’s next

If enough families reach the clarity that seminary in Israel should be a thoughtful, intentional choice rather than an automatic expectation, this conversation could shift the communal norms around this issue.

The takeaway

This debate highlights the need for the Jewish community to critically examine its traditions and expectations, ensuring they align with the true needs and values of families, rather than being driven by social momentum or status concerns. A more honest, nuanced approach could lead to healthier outcomes for young women.