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Who knows why Halloween is such an ideal time of year for jokes? Is it because the ol’ Samhain is really just a silly holiday at its core? Or could humor actually be a proactive way for us humans to deal with the unnerving eeriness of the holiday? Who the heck knows? Just make sure you’re armed with some gems for the night of fright.
Q: What would be the most nightmarish haunted house for teenagers?
A: One where people dressed as their parents popped out and shrieked: “WHAT COLLEGE ARE YOU GOING TO?? HOW ARE YOU GONNA PAY FOR IT?? WHAT’S YOUR MAJOR GONNA BE?? WHAT KIND OF JOB ARE YOU GONNA GET WITH THAT??”
Zombie 1: You know what I hate about fall?
Zombie 2: What?
Zombie 1: Everyone I eat tastes like pumpkin spice.
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately.
Q: Why is a skeleton always a problem at the bar?
A: How’s he going to hold his liquor?
Q: Why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A: He heard it had great circulation.
Q: Ladies, why is a jack-o-lantern better than a man?
A: The jack-o-lantern will greet you on your doorstep every night with a smile, and you’ll never be fooled that its head is anything but empty. Plus, when it starts smelling up your place, you can get rid of it quickly and have a new one by next year.
Q: What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Q: Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
A: The whatwolves, the whowolves, and the whenwolves.
Q: What happens when you can’t keep up payments to your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.
Your parents tell you to never take candy from strangers. Then they dress you up and tell you to go beg for it. Are you supposed to knock on people’s doors and say, “Trick or treat . . . no thank you”?
Q: What’s the best part about wearing an Arnold Schwarzenegger mask on Halloween?
A: You’ll sound just like him with a mouth full of candy all night.